Overcoming Adversity: The Resilience of Realtors

Four years ago, Melissa Murphy, who had recently celebrated her 36th birthday, seemed to have it all: a promising real estate career, a devoted boyfriend and a life full of possibilities. A sales associate with Dale Sorensen Real Estate in Sebastian, she had just made top producer for achieving the highest dollar volume of new listings. In October 2020, everything changed when she discovered a reddish spot on her right breast. Concerned, she made an appointment with her gynecologist, who initially dismissed it as a simple hormonal change. But Murphy felt the pain was unusual, so her doctor agreed to further testing. “I went for a mammogram and was told that I [couldn’t] leave without a biopsy,” Murphy says. “From that day on, my life was never the same.”

Facing the unknown

Murphy was diagnosed with triple-negative breast cancer, a rare and aggressive form of the disease. “[The doctors] insisted that I immediately start treatment because it was stage 3,” she says, adding that she lacked adequate health insurance and had to secure proper coverage by requesting a life-changing event exception. “They said if I didn’t seek treatment I would die in five years, and even with surgery that was still a possible outcome. I was terrified. I thought, ‘What’s going to happen with my career—am I going to lose it?’ I’d never experienced sickness or cancer in my family, and none of my friends had ever battled anything like this. I was hopeful my relationship would be strong enough to make it.”

Moffitt Cancer Center in Tampa was chosen for Murphy’s treatment, and she would undergo 14 rounds of the strongest chemotherapy. “I walked into Moffitt completely unaware of what I was about to embark on,” she recalls. “I felt alone.” Although she worked throughout her treatment and mentored a new agent who filled in whenever she was unable to do in-person appointments, the chemotherapy took its toll. “Losing my hair, eyelashes and eyebrows was devastating—it was a huge part of my self-image, especially as a super-feminine woman,” she says. “Chemo [caused] such bad reactions that I was hospitalized twice and almost died.” As a result, her doctors advised skipping her final round. Reflecting on her treatment, she explains, “At that point, it was a matter of my living or dying. We had killed the cancer, so we proceeded to surgery.”

Thirty days before her eight-hour double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery, her relationship abruptly ended. “I found myself without a significant other and having to find a new home and move,” she recalls. “My mother was by my side. Thankfully, I was deemed cancer-free the day of surgery. All I wanted was to celebrate, but I had to grieve the end of my relationship. That hurt deeply.”

During her recovery, Murphy welcomed a collie into her home. “His name is Tucker, and he looks like Lassie, and he’s as loyal as her, too,” she says. Each year with her dog marks another year of being cancer-free. “I never thought I’d look in the mirror and see myself again; I thought that girl was gone,” Murphy says. “Now I see a woman of wisdom, growth and strength—and a fabulous Realtor®.

My career has been my strength. I love my [buyers and sellers] and the incredible network that has been super supportive throughout my journey, especially at Dale Sorensen. Now I’m three years strong, happy and healthy and loving my career more today than ever! I’m grateful to be cancer-free, selling real estate with Tucker. My best friend and a past client both got their licenses and joined me in real estate, so I’m as strong as ever with my team.”

A journey to sobriety

Independence Day holds special meaning for Brooksville-based James Adams—and not just for the fireworks and festivities. That’s because, on July 4, 2022, the team lead at Adams Group Experience, powered by Place and brokered by eXp Realty, vowed to give up drinking. “I passed out in the middle of my birthday party the day before and woke up extremely embarrassed the next morning,” Adams recalls. “My family and friends thought it was funny, but it wasn’t funny for me. I said ‘enough’ and quit drinking for 30 days. After that first 30 days, I said, ‘I don’t need alcohol’ and went another 30 days. Now I wake up every day and decide not to drink. It’s a personal decision because my drinking never [adversely] affected my family or my work. Over the last few years, I’ve been guiding [my team] to shift their mindset to overcome obstacles and pressures, and it felt like the right time to walk the talk.”

Although Adams never struggled with daily drinking, he occasionally had trouble recognizing when he’d had enough. The path to sobriety typically involves 12-step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), but Adams turned to individual therapy instead. “I had a pretty rough childhood—I lost my mom at 15 and my dad when I was 23—and alcohol helped me get rid of the negative feelings. Life is hard, never mind real estate. If the answer is to forget about it with a few drinks, we aren’t learning from our existence or dealing with the battle. Our industry is about to go through a tremendous amount of cortisol, and hitting your vice is not the answer.”

Today, Adams manages challenges through self-discipline, support and setting boundaries. “I exercise daily and disconnect from non-urgent matters after 6 p.m. to focus on my wife, Jen, and our son, Brayden,” he says. “My household is sober and accountable; commitments are taken seriously.” He advises assessing your environment to ensure it supports your recovery. “If your social circle revolves around drinking, it’s got to change, because the pressure will keep you stuck in old behaviors. If you truly want to stay sober, you’ll surround yourself with others who want to focus on their health, wellness and sobriety.” He also credits real estate coach Jon Cheplak with influencing his healthy lifestyle. “Though we only know each other in passing, his impact is far-reaching. I’ll probably be in therapy the rest of my life, too, and I have no shame around that.”

Embracing self-care

Since earning her real estate license nearly six years ago, Kendra Robertson, sales associate with Keller Williams Realty Atlantic Partners in Jacksonville Beach, quickly became a top producer. Yet, the constant pressure to achieve ultimately led to burnout. Robertson fell into the trap of putting everyone else’s needs above her own when she was married and raising her now-adult children. On top of that, a car accident with a drunk driver caused whiplash-induced chronic headaches, leading to weight gain and health issues. “My marriage fell apart, and I ultimately got a divorce,” she says. “The drinking was never bad enough to jeopardize my work, but I’d wake up and say, ‘I’m not going to drink tonight,’ and then 5 o’clock decision fatigue would hit, and I’d make a drink.” Her aha moment came when she realized that, without change, nothing would be better in five years. “I set aside alcohol three years ago, found my authentic self and have created a life free from alcohol,” she says.

Robertson attends AA meetings occasionally for the fellowship but, like Adams, a 12-step program is not her primary source of support. “AA was too black and white for me; I was more into the gray area of simply overindulging,” she says. “I found inspiration and support with the KW Wellness community, which includes KW Clarity—a recovery group for anyone battling their own addiction, supporting a family member who is, or the sober curious.”

KW is expanding its wellness initiatives, Robertson says, through new affinity subgroups for people who participate in activities such as fitness, pickleball, Peloton cycling, golf and more. “KW coaches to the work-life balance of ‘business worth having, lives worth living,’” she says, adding that she is launching a yoga subgroup with Tyra Amaya, an agent with Keller Williams Colorado West Realty, to integrate self-care into their hectic conference schedule.

The highlight of Robertson’s self-care regimen is her early morning swims. “An agent at a Mike Ferry conference inspired me to win my morning by waking up early and working out,” she says. “Swimming a mile in the ocean at sunrise has become my daily routine. I can pencil in a yoga class, but it often gets interrupted. Nobody needs me at sunrise.” She has kept this up for two years, with a small group for safety, unless she’s traveling or otherwise committed.

“I’ve learned that the opposite of addiction is connection,” Robertson adds. “Many online resources connect people with support for sobriety and other challenges. But you’ve got to take that first step.”

Stranger in a strange land

Abel Gilbert faced significant adversity coming to America as a child without knowing any English. “I was 11 when my parents brought my sister and me to this country,” says the broker-owner of ONEPATH Realty in Miami. “They wanted us to have opportunities that weren’t available in Ecuador and be able to achieve the American Dream,” he recalls. “Obviously, as a child you don’t understand something like that. All you think about is saying goodbye to the people you love—your family, your cousins, your friends. It was a very impactful experience to be at an airport, not knowing if you’ll ever see them again. I was already a bit of an introvert and the inability to communicate in a new language definitely impacted my confidence. Later on, though, I was basically able to recreate myself.”

Back in Ecuador, Gilbert’s mother was an entrepreneur, and his father was an employee. In the United States, however, his mother lacked the education, experience and guidance to find the right business. “Dad was rarely in the picture because he was always working,” Gilbert says. “Their struggles helped me decide early on that I wanted to be a business owner, but I needed to ensure my work was significant enough to live the life I wanted.” His mother taught him to dream despite their circumstances. “On weekends, she’d take us to open houses at amazing homes,” he recalls. “I truly believed we were there to buy, which helped me visualize a future where this could be my room, my pool, my backyard, my neighborhood.”

Though his vision didn’t come true then, it has since become a reality for Gilbert thanks to his hard work. At 16, he started a clothing company with his mother’s help. “I convinced my parents to let me get my GED and start college,” he says. “In college, I wanted money. So, I got my mortgage license and then my real estate license and experienced a level of success I never imagined possible.”

Gilbert eventually went from selling real estate to investing in distressed properties to developing properties. At the peak of his career, he and his wife started their family. “Despite my success, I wasn’t satisfied—a trait of a typical entrepreneur—and I realized that, as an investor, you analyze properties and make financial decisions but as a Realtor® you build relationships and connect with people on a deeper level. But I needed to figure out how to do it while still having time for my family.” He opened his own brokerage and went from selling 70 properties by himself to selling 800 with his “teamerage”—a brokerage that operates as a team.

“My experience as a child of immigrants led me to where I am today: a proud father of 11-year-old triplets, loving husband to my high school sweetheart, owner of multiple homes and leader of hundreds of agents. I am blessed to live in this country and help people become homeowners. More than my accomplishments, I’m grateful my parents brought us to a country that allows us to reap the benefits of our efforts and be able to live a life by design.” #

Leslie C. Stone is a Vero Beach-based freelance writer.